A Quick Guide to Pronouns: He, She, They, and Beyond

Language is how we connect with each other, how we share our stories, and how we show respect. But language is also a living thing. It shifts, grows, and expands to make room for everyone. If you are looking to get pronouns explained in a way that makes sense, you are in the right place. We know that keeping up with shifting language can sometimes feel confusing, especially if you grew up in a time when grammar rules felt rigid and binary. But getting this right is about so much more than grammar. It is about seeing people for who they are and making sure they feel welcome in the room.

We started Pride Shirt Co because pride shouldn't be seasonal. Every June, the rainbow merch floods in from brands that don't think about us the other eleven months. We wanted a store that gets it — one that makes shirts for trans visibility day in March, Coming Out Day in October, and every random Tuesday when you just want to wear something that feels like you. Part of showing up for the community year-round is understanding how we refer to one another. Whether you are an ally parent, a friend, or someone exploring your own identity, this guide is here to help you navigate the words we use to describe ourselves.

What are pronouns and why do they matter

At the most basic level, a pronoun is just a word that takes the place of a noun. Instead of saying a person's name over and over again in a sentence, we use pronouns to keep the conversation flowing. But when we ask why are pronouns important, the answer goes far beyond sentence structure. Pronouns are an extension of how we move through the world. They are a reflection of our internal sense of self.

When you use the correct pronouns for someone, you are sending a very clear message: I see you, I respect you, and you are safe with me. It is a small linguistic choice that carries a massive amount of weight. Conversely, when someone is repeatedly referred to by the wrong pronouns, it can feel like a constant papercut. It signals that the speaker is either not paying attention or, worse, actively choosing to ignore who the person is. Using the right pronouns is not about walking on eggshells; it is about extending basic human courtesy. It is the verbal equivalent of holding the door open for someone.

The familiar classics: he/him and she/her

For a long time, he/him and she/her were the only two options presented in mainstream culture. Most people are deeply familiar with how to use these in a sentence. However, it is essential to understand that these pronouns are not exclusive to cisgender people (people whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth). Transgender men use he/him pronouns, and transgender women use she/her pronouns.

It is also worth noting that gender expression does not always dictate pronouns. Someone might present in a very feminine way — wearing makeup, dresses, or delicate jewelry — but still use he/him pronouns. Another person might have a beard and wear traditionally masculine clothing but use she/her pronouns. You cannot tell someone's pronouns just by looking at them. If you want to dive deeper into the history and symbols of the trans community, our article on the Trans Pride Flag: The Meaning Behind the Blue, Pink, and White is a great place to start. The core takeaway here is simple: pronouns belong to the person using them, regardless of how they look to the outside world.

Understanding the singular they: they/them pronouns meaning

If you are trying to get pronouns explained, this is often the area where people have the most questions. The they them pronouns meaning is quite straightforward: it is a gender-neutral pronoun used to refer to a single person. While some folks argue that "they" is strictly plural, the truth is that the singular "they" has been used in the English language for centuries. Writers like William Shakespeare and Jane Austen used it, and you likely use it all the time without even realizing it.

Think about finding a lost umbrella at a coffee shop. You would probably say, "Someone left their umbrella here, I hope they come back for it." You used "their" and "they" because you did not know the gender of the person who left it. Using they/them pronouns for a non-binary, genderqueer, or agender person works exactly the same way, except you are using it because it is the language that best fits their identity.

Here is how it looks in practice:

• Subject: They are going to the pride parade this weekend.
• Object: I am going to meet them at the coffee shop.
• Possessive: That vintage denim jacket is theirs.
• Reflexive: They bought that shirt for themselves.

People who use they/them pronouns often feel that the binary options of male and female do not accurately describe their experience. They might feel like a mix of both, neither, or something else entirely. If you are curious about the different flags that represent these diverse identities, check out our guide, Beyond the Rainbow: Exploring 10+ Other LGBTQ+ Pride Flags. Using they/them is a beautiful way to honor the expansive nature of human identity.

Expanding the vocabulary: what are neopronouns

As language evolves, some people find that even they/them does not quite capture who they are. This brings us to the question: what are neopronouns? Neopronouns are a category of new (neo) pronouns that are used in place of "she," "he," or "they." While they might seem like a recent internet phenomenon, some neopronouns have been around since the late 19th and early 20th centuries as people searched for gender-neutral language alternatives.

Neopronouns offer a way to step completely outside the traditional gender binary and create something entirely custom. They are often used by neurodivergent individuals, non-binary folks, or anyone who feels a strong disconnect from conventional gendered language. Some of the most common neopronouns include ze/zir, xe/xem, and fae/faer.

Here is a quick breakdown of how a few common neopronouns work in a sentence:

• Ze/Zir: Ze is wearing a great shirt today. I should ask zir where ze bought it. That coffee is zirs.
• Xe/Xem: Xe is going to the concert. I am driving there with xem. The tickets are xyrs.
• Fae/Faer: Fae loves to bake. I gave faer a new recipe book. The kitchen is faers.

If you encounter someone who uses neopronouns, do not panic. It might feel unfamiliar in your mouth at first, and that is completely okay. The best thing you can do is practice. Write out a few sentences using their pronouns, or practice talking about them to a friend. The effort you put into learning their language shows a profound level of respect and care.

Mixing it up with multiple pronouns

Sometimes, one set of pronouns is not enough. You might see someone list their pronouns as "she/they," "he/they," or "any pronouns." This can mean a few different things depending on the person, so it is always best to ask what they prefer.

For many people, listing "she/they" means they are comfortable with either she/her or they/them pronouns. You can use either one, and they will feel seen and respected. Some people prefer that you alternate between the two in conversation. For example: "She left her jacket at my house, so I am going to return it to them tomorrow."

When someone says they use "any pronouns," it means exactly that. You can refer to them using he, she, they, or neopronouns. This often reflects a gender identity that is fluid, expansive, or simply unbothered by the constraints of gendered language. Your pride, your rules. We just make the shirt, and they just make the rules for their own identity.

Simple tips for getting it right every day

Now that we have getting pronouns explained out of the way, how do you put this into practice? Making your environment more inclusive does not require a massive overhaul of your life. It is about small, consistent habits that signal to the people around you that you are a safe person to be authentic around.

First, introduce yourself with your pronouns. When you meet someone new, say, "Hi, my name is Alex, and I use he/him pronouns. Nice to meet you." This does two things: it tells the other person how to refer to you, and it opens the door for them to share their pronouns without feeling singled out. It removes the guesswork and sets a baseline of respect.

Second, add your pronouns to your email signature, your social media bios, and your Zoom name. Even if you think your pronouns are obvious, sharing them normalizes the practice. It shows that sharing pronouns is not just something trans and non-binary people have to do; it is something everyone does to make communication clearer.

Third, do not assume. We have been conditioned to look at someone's haircut, clothing, or voice and immediately assign them a gender and a pronoun. Try to break that habit. If you do not know someone's pronouns, just use they/them until you find out, or simply ask. A polite, "Hey, I realized I never asked, what pronouns do you use?" is always better than making a guess and getting it wrong.

The oops protocol: what to do if you mess up

This is the part that makes people the most nervous. What happens when you slip up? Because you will. Everyone does. We are all unlearning decades of linguistic conditioning, and mistakes are a natural part of the process. The way you handle the mistake matters much more than the mistake itself.

When you use the wrong pronoun for someone, follow the three-step oops protocol: correct yourself, apologize briefly, and move on.

For example, if you say, "She is waiting by the car," and realize the person uses they/them pronouns, simply say, "Sorry, they are waiting by the car," and continue your story. That is it. You do not need to make a big scene.

The worst thing you can do is launch into a long, drawn-out apology about how hard you are trying, how bad your memory is, or how terrible you feel. When you do that, you shift the focus away from the person you misgendered and onto your own guilt. Now, instead of just moving past an awkward moment, the trans or non-binary person has to comfort you and tell you it is okay. Keep it brief, correct the error, and do better next time.

Showing up in the spaces that matter

Understanding pronouns is a critical tool for showing up for your friends, family, and coworkers. When you are at a family dinner and an older relative uses the wrong pronoun for your sibling, gently correcting them takes the burden off your sibling. When you are at work and a client misgenders a coworker, casually using the correct pronoun in your response helps set the record straight without causing a scene.

These small moments of advocacy are what true allyship looks like. It is not about grand gestures; it is about the everyday work of making the world a little softer and a little more welcoming for the people we care about.

We know that navigating identity can sometimes feel like learning a new language, but the effort is always worth it. At the end of the day, having pronouns explained is just the first step. The real work is taking this knowledge and applying it with warmth, grace, and a willingness to learn. Whether you are wearing your identity proudly on a t-shirt or just doing your best to support the people you love, your effort matters. Keep practicing, keep asking questions, and keep showing up.